Misc, Statistics

Statistics Jokes

  • A mathematician, a physicist and a statistician went hunting for deer. When they chanced upon one buck lounging about, the mathematician fired first, missing the buck’s nose by a few inches. The physicist then tried his hand, and missed the tail by a wee bit. The statistician started jumping up and down saying “We got him! We got him!”

 

  • One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the office of the Dean of Sciences. In rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion. The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation. While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other wastebaskets in the office. “What are you doing?” the others demand. The statistician replies, “Well, to solve the problem, you obviously need a larger sample size.”

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  • On average, every one of us has one testicle.

 

  • What is the difference between an extroverted and an introverted statistician?

     The extroverted statistican looks at your shoes while talking to you.

 

  • A statistician’s wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted.

    “Bring them to church on Sunday and we’ll baptize them,” said the minister.

    “No,” replied the statistician. “Baptize one. We’ll keep the other as a control.”

 

  • I asked a statistician for her phone number… and she gave me an estimate.

 

  • Homoscedasticity – Homogeneous elasticity betweeen different sizes of rubber bands.

 

  • Regression is a powerful tool for forecasting. Economists using it successfully predicted ten out of the last two recessions

 

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